So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
