i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
