I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
