Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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