It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
time to smoke my breakfast
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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