You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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