I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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