Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
whose parrot is this?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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