On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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