someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
