GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
