Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Loading more great texts...