Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
