before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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