Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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