apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
