my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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