So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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