Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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