I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
