Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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