the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize