A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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