You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
