he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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