Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
