As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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