So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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