Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
