It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
