i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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