get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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