Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The adults are the big ones right?
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