Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
