make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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