It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
