I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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