No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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