I wish I could punch you in the face.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
