i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
