You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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