That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are two peas in an std pod
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
