just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
