you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
