Ambien. No doubt about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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