to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
