I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
