well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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