remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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