There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were trust falling into bushes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
