I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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