haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
