oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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