i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
