god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
