Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
