Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Duck Duck Cougar?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Someone shit on the floor
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