is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
