dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
