i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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