Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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