just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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