I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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